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41, confused, looking for advice please....

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Mags2021
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:37 pm

41, confused, looking for advice please....

Post by Mags2021 »

Hello, I had an ectopic pregnancy 2 weeks ago, had to have emergency surgery as I had ruptured, was bleeding internally and lost part of my tube. It was a terrifying experience..I thought I was miscarrying, which was hard enough but things changed so quickly when I went to hospital after spending the weekend thinking I was miscarrying, to face that emergency situation. It is a very scary experience..
I’m 41, will be 42 in December. I conceived naturally and completely unexpectedly, as my husband and I thought it would never happen naturally for us.. we weren’t doing any fertility treatments, we had simply left our lives to fate..the pregnancy was a huge shock, but a surprisingly good one! I was very scared that I would mess things up, but hopeful that the baby would bring us on a new journey..
Now, I am very confused, hurt, guilty and numb. It has messed with my head completely..now that I have been pregnant, I think I want to be again, but I am terrified of another ectopic and I’m worried that I am too old.. I don’t know what to do..has anyone here experienced something similar and can offer advice? I find it difficult to talk about to people who haven’t experienced this nightmare scenario...it’s very cruel facing your own mortality and losing a baby at the same time...
Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated
Thank you..

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: 41, confused, looking for advice please....

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Mags,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years. Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months. It sounds as though you had been trying for some time prior to this, so you could ask your GP for a referral to a fertility specialist sooner and see if they would be willing to refer earlier than these dates.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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Mags2021
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:37 pm

Re: 41, confused, looking for advice please....

Post by Mags2021 »

Thanks for the information and the kind words Karen, much appreciated

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