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6 month update: Feeling a little better.

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NewbieFP
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 5:37 pm

6 month update: Feeling a little better.

Post by NewbieFP »

Hi Everyone,

I'm here to give an update at the 6 month post ectopic pregnancy removal and salpingectomy op. In all honesty I feel a bit better about it. Maybe my hormones are getting back to normal, maybe therapy is helping, I don't know. Either way, I thought I'd share some bits that have helped me along the way. Your all going through so much, I hope some of it at least makes you feel better.

1. Therapy. They didn't fix me, they didn't make the pain go away. No magical BS that sounds so obnoxiously idealistic. In CBT therapy, Im getting taught ways to reframe my thoughts and face the trauma. That you need to break it down for processing before you can tackle the issue. Most importantly, it's normal to not be ok. Its normal to feel anxious and upset. Its normal to avoid triggers and get defensive when others try to offer sympathy. Take your time, rome wasn't built in a day and everyone has to go brick by brick.

2. Compassion for yourself. Self kindness is one of the most difficult aspect of recovery. Each and every one of us has probably held guilt over our losses. It's our body, it betrayed us. Took away my chance and my options. But there isn't anything you could do. You couldn't make yourself have an ectopic pregnancy even if you tried. If your house is torn down by a tornado, do you take blame because it is your house? No. Nor do you leave it in ruin in case another hits. You curse the fates and rebuild.
Regardless, the best way I found to tackle the guilt was to imagine my fiance was the one it happened to. My response was fierce protection. Adamant there was nothing he could have done and my love for him wpuldnt even flicker. I repeated my own words back to myself whenever my mind strays towards guilt. So give it a go, think of this horrible thing happening to someone you love and note your response. Your far more inclined to offer them compassion than yourself.

3. Your experience makes you stronger. Yes I know, it sounds patronising as heck but hear me out. You have more knowledge. You have first hand experience of that horrible thing and are far more prepared info wise for future situations. Another pregnancy is a scary concept after an ectopic. Fear history repeating itself. Fear that every stray ache in your shoulder spells doom. Every nauseous feeling is your nightmares coming to claim you. I get it.

But you KNOW now. You know to be assertive, to stomp and scream until all the checks that medical professionals can possible do are done. You know what your body tells you. You know how to fight back. If it happens again, you wont be in shock and denial. You wont be swept away helplessly with no choices. You will be in control.

These have been the turning points for me. The major push forward points. We still struggle, Im not cured, no so sure there is anything to fix the mental trauma. But we are doing better than before. I imagine we'll still have a few stumbles with future pregnancies. Every time I get a late period, we're both anxious. But with every day we're moving forward and can start to see the ectopic as our past rather than our present.

EPT Host 22
Posts: 659
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: 6 month update: Feeling a little better.

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi NewbieFP,

Thank you very much for sharing these reflections with us. Recovery takes time, and I'm glad you have found support along your way. Your reflections resonated with me, particularly the mentions of advocating for yourself in future situations. I feel I have learned much more vocabulary and ask many, many more questions now.

Sending love for your continued recovery. Continue to be kind to yourself and know that we are here for you anytime.

With good wishes,


Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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gabriel123
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: 6 month update: Feeling a little better.

Post by gabriel123 »

Thank you for sharing and glad you’re making improvement in terms of feelings. I’m nearly 6 months but had a double shock as my partner of just over a year left me when I returned from the op accusing me of getting pregnant on purpose - which wasn’t the case as I’m a little too old to consider that. I think my recovery has been a affected by that at such an emotional and frightening time. He’s never sat down with me or even asked what I had done it was if he just flicked a switch. So with that in mind, I seem to have really not acknowledged the ectopic due to the shock following it. I sometimes can just be sitting in the garden and recently it’ll just hit me the thought I was pregnant and how far I’d be now. I can’t answer on recovery for a normal situation where this happens but all I know is there were days I didn’t think I could go on and now I don’t have those days. Time really is a healer so everyone please hang in there you will feel better it’s not a linear recovery process there will be ups and downs but the downs start getting farther apart xx lots of love xx

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