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Jekyll and Hyde emotions -are they normal

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Hh21
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 30, 2021 6:56 pm

Jekyll and Hyde emotions -are they normal

Post by Hh21 »

We found out in early March that we were expecting. At 6 weeks I experienced bleeding and was sent to EPAC for a scan. No pregnancy could be seen. We had to wait another week before they would rescan. At this scan, the pregnancy still couldn’t be located and my hcg levels were going up in such a manner that suggested an ectopic pregnancy. Very quickly we faced the choice of methotrexate or surgery. Methotrexate was the clinically preferred options since they were not sure where the pregnancy was.

Methotrexate gave me severe side effects. I should have taken time off work but didn’t. I buried my head in the sand and carried on with our family routine (I have 2 daughters aged 12 & 9 from my previous marriage) and I think I am now living with the consequences 2 months on.

My emotions are all over the place. I have days where I am ok, or I can be irritable, irrational and short tempered and then there are those where I just cry. I have never been emotionally volatile like this, I have always been happy go lucky, glass half full.

My husband has a loving relationship with my 2 daughters but has no biological children of his own. Of course, he would still like one.

I have endometriosis, and had surgery and hormone treatment to conceive both girls. I knew that it could make having a baby a challenge, so when we fell pregnant we were both so pleased.

I am now in a place where I don’t think I can face trying again. I don’t want to experience this again. I am full of fear. I have shared my feelings with my husband but I also carry great guilt as I feel my choice will deprive him of a biological child of our own.

It’s a constant rollercoaster and I don’t know what to do next so I can start to feel like myself again

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2276
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Jekyll and Hyde emotions -are they normal

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Hh21,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about how you feel and contacting the Trust. I too suffered in silence following my ectopic pregnancy. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people's posts. People understood how I felt and I didn't feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. With ectopic pregnancy we are faced with the ordeal of diagnosis, treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work and poor concentration and irritability. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

It is also normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Hh21
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 30, 2021 6:56 pm

Re: Jekyll and Hyde emotions -are they normal

Post by Hh21 »

Thank you for your reply.

I made a self referral for talking therapies and had my assessment today. It is believed that I may be suffering from PTSD.

They will discuss treatment options and come back to me next week with the start of a treatment plan.

One step forwards x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2276
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Jekyll and Hyde emotions -are they normal

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Hh21,
PTSD is more common than we realise and I am so glad you sought help and advice and they are listening to you.
As you say, one step forward and we'll be here for those steps for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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