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New to all this and don't know where to turn

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2021 7:37 pm

New to all this and don't know where to turn

Post by Mandi7891 »

I found out I was pregnant 11 days ago. Was a bit of a surprise but was so so happy and excited about the next chapter in mine and my partners lives. Started spotting on Saturday. Sunday had some unbelievable pain which resulted in me going to a&e. Doctor felt my stomach and took my bloods. Said my numbers were good and my stomach not swollen so believed it was a threatened miscarriage and I would go on to have a successful pregnancy. Luckily I had an early scan booked in at my own hospital yesterday. Was told uterus was empty but there was something in my right tube and fluid on the outside. Was taken in for surgery yesterday afternoon where they found my tube had ruptured. They have removed ectopic pregnancy along with my tube. I'm not completely lost and don't know what to say or do or how this could ever feel any better. I'm in physical pain but also the emotional pain is unbearable. They also found endometriosis spots. Not much but what happens if that was my last chance to have another baby. I've been signed off work for 2 weeks. Is that all I'm given to get over this. I've lost my baby and also a part of me. This hurts like [heck]. I'm totally broken.

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Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 10:25 pm

Re: New to all this and don't know where to turn

Post by jf7373 »

I’m so sorry you have been through this :( I went through this too just over 7 weeks ago and had surgery to remove my right Fallopian tube and ectopic pregnancy too. The physical pain heals quickly but the emotional pain is so hard.
I have only just started back at work this week on a phased return, so don’t feel you have to go back after 2 weeks, especially recovering from surgery but also coming to terms with what has happened emotionally. I was initially signed off work for 4 weeks and I had to contact my GP for more time off as I really wasn’t ready to go back to work. It hurts so much and I completely understand. X

EPT Host 20
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Re: New to all this and don't know where to turn

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Mandi,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. From your own words I can imagine what a frightening experience this was and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Regarding work, in general, after six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view, but many women need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy. Please speak to your doctor who will be able to arrange a sick note for work.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

For now, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
We are here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x

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