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Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
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- Posts: 3175
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.
If you can, I would suggest being open and honest with your friends, letting then know that you are happy for them and are there for them but at this moment in time getting messages from them about their developing pregnancy is difficult emotionally for you just now. It's not that you don't want to be involved or supportive but blow by blow accounts are difficult reminders of what you have lost and are still grieving for. I would like to think close friends would understand.
Please do be gentle with yourself, give yourself the space and time you need and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
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Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
I too have a friend who has just told me she is 14 weeks gone which is roughly the same timeline ours would have been.
I totally relate to you wanting to be apart of this amazing chapter for someone you care about but it’s a constant reminder of what you no longer have.
It’s not even about forgetting what happened but more about being able to keep going as happily as your possibly can.
I know honesty is the best way forward but I don’t want to dampen her experience by avoiding her. However I think Karen has it spot on. We need to be kind to ourselves. And I think, the only people who can truly make you feel better is yourself so you should do exactly what is right for you in that minute.
Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
I completely know where your coming from. I had two people announce their pregnancies within dates of each other both due beginning of December. Which would have been when my little one was due. Granted they are not close enough that I have to have constant reminders, but I had to unfollow them on social media as it was just to hard to see. I’m happy for them and it’s nice to see people having babies, I also don’t know the struggles they might have had to get there. But it’s all the milestones that will come.
I was out for lunch yesterday and the one thing I find difficult still is hearing new baby’s cry, or just very small / newborn babies. It makes me really anxious and sometimes I want to just get up and leave. Even going past baby clothes is sometimes hard.
Take care xx
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- Posts: 8
- Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2021 10:53 am
Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies
I dont really have a coping strategy. But I have stayed away from certain occasions knowing it will make me feel worse. Which is sad but i know them all conversing about life things (babies) will just make me feel worse. Xxx