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Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

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Lorton
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:44 pm

Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by Lorton »

I dont know how to handle this, I lost mine back in march and I started to feel better. I started to be happy again and started to feel more normal again. But one after another 3 close friends started announcing their pregnancies. One so close to what I should have been. It's hit me like a tonne of bricks, all the emotions I held back when it happened in March. I'm struggling, im so happy for them but at the same time I'm devastated. All the weekly news saying the size and finding a heartbeat, it's breaking me into peices. Thankfully because of covid the news has been over message so I've had the space to react the way my mind and body needs to. Part of me feels a little upset they keep sending me these things knowing what I've been through but at the same time I don't want to miss out on my friends starting this life now. I just dont know how to deal with it anymore, I dont know how to cope and I dread the day I have to face it in person. Does anybody have any suggestions for coping?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3142
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Lorton,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.
If you can, I would suggest being open and honest with your friends, letting then know that you are happy for them and are there for them but at this moment in time getting messages from them about their developing pregnancy is difficult emotionally for you just now. It's not that you don't want to be involved or supportive but blow by blow accounts are difficult reminders of what you have lost and are still grieving for. I would like to think close friends would understand.

Please do be gentle with yourself, give yourself the space and time you need and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
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CTJW29
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed May 12, 2021 7:15 pm

Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by CTJW29 »

Hello.

I too have a friend who has just told me she is 14 weeks gone which is roughly the same timeline ours would have been.

I totally relate to you wanting to be apart of this amazing chapter for someone you care about but it’s a constant reminder of what you no longer have.

It’s not even about forgetting what happened but more about being able to keep going as happily as your possibly can.

I know honesty is the best way forward but I don’t want to dampen her experience by avoiding her. However I think Karen has it spot on. We need to be kind to ourselves. And I think, the only people who can truly make you feel better is yourself so you should do exactly what is right for you in that minute.

Lorton
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:44 pm

Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by Lorton »

Thank you both, I'm so glad this is a space where I can let it all out and know im not alone. I'm so glad I'm not the only one taking the time for themselves to heal, the guilt ontop of the emotions and feelings was getting to me. I think I will talk to my friends about it, I just hope they don't take it in the wrong way or they feel uncomfortable about it.

Clairm11
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun May 02, 2021 5:26 pm

Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by Clairm11 »

Hi Lorton,
I completely know where your coming from. I had two people announce their pregnancies within dates of each other both due beginning of December. Which would have been when my little one was due. Granted they are not close enough that I have to have constant reminders, but I had to unfollow them on social media as it was just to hard to see. I’m happy for them and it’s nice to see people having babies, I also don’t know the struggles they might have had to get there. But it’s all the milestones that will come.

I was out for lunch yesterday and the one thing I find difficult still is hearing new baby’s cry, or just very small / newborn babies. It makes me really anxious and sometimes I want to just get up and leave. Even going past baby clothes is sometimes hard.

Take care xx

Joannamcewan1
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2021 10:53 am

Re: Coping with everyone else's pregnancies

Post by Joannamcewan1 »

I know how you feel. I have been feeling this for years. So many of my friends announcing their pregnancies, then their second. Then when i finally found someone to be pregnant with. It was ectopic. And still more pregnancies all around me.

I dont really have a coping strategy. But I have stayed away from certain occasions knowing it will make me feel worse. Which is sad but i know them all conversing about life things (babies) will just make me feel worse. Xxx

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