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Partner Won't Try Again

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moonbeam_dream
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2020 3:01 pm

Partner Won't Try Again

Post by moonbeam_dream »

Hi everyone
My ruptured ectopic was back in November and my husband has openly admitted he was more scared for me than upset about the loss of our baby. Since then I have got to a place where I would like to start TTC but my husband is reluctant, I think because he is worried about me and what might go wrong again. He closes off when we try to discuss. I am starting to feel frustrated and a bit resentful as I feel he is holding me back. I know he needs to be ready too but I'm worried he is making me angry and im not sure how to deal with it. Has anyone else had this experience?

paulinavx_1
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2020 11:18 pm

Re: Partner Won't Try Again

Post by paulinavx_1 »

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I understand your desire to start TTC asap and frustration about your partner's decision. In my relationship I'm a person postponing TTC after ectopic and I thought that I may give you some picture of the other side. I had an ectopic over 1.5 years ago. Me and my husband needed few months to digest what had happened. Then for around 1 year I was pretty sure I didin't want to try again as I wouldn't be able to go through another ectopic. I've started changing my mind only recently but I'm still too scared to really start ttc. My husband has been very supportive and understanding and I've never felt that he's trying to push me to try for a baby, although I know he wants to be a father (even more now when his younger sister has a newborn). It gives me a lot of comfort knowing that he's with me regardless of my decisions. However, I'm still feel a mixture of emotions: desire to be a mum, anxiety about another ectopic, guilt that I'm not ready to ttc while my husband is. I know that this may be upsetting but I believe that pregnancy is a relationship thing and both partners have to want it. If your partner is not ready for this decision, there's little you can do. Maybe he will change his mind after some time or maybe not.

moonbeam_dream
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2020 3:01 pm

Re: Partner Won't Try Again

Post by moonbeam_dream »

Thanks for taking the time to share your experience and I do know that you are right and his readiness is outside of my control. I think the biggest struggle is that he just isn't communicating with me about it. I have tried to get him to open up but that seems to wind him up. I'm trying to give him some space and stop talking about it for a few months but it's really tough....

paulinavx_1
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2020 11:18 pm

Re: Partner Won't Try Again

Post by paulinavx_1 »

Yes. I can imagine how difficult it is for you. I think that sometimes men prefer to deal with their own emotions and traumatic events on their own without talking too much. My husband seems to very open and easy-going but he doesn't talk a lot about things that are really painful and sometimes stops conversation before it's started. It's very frustrating and I understand your feelings about lack of communication with your husband. I believe that your partner may be very anxious about losing you or seeing you in another life-threatening situation. He may also feel overwhelmed or have problems with understanding his own emotions and that's why he avoids talking about it. Maybe counselling could help both of you to communicate better with each other and go through this terrible time together?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Partner Won't Try Again

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear moonbeam_dream,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
My partner was the same in admitting he was more worried about me than losing our baby.
Would your partner look through our information on trying to conceive on our website with you to perhaps give him some reassurance. Also let him know that you will have an early pregnancy scan on any subsequent pregnancies so if it was sadly ectopic again, it should be caught early.
Keep an open, honest dialog with him and hopefully he'll do the same. We also have a mens board he could look at to see how other men feel or he can even post any concerns he may have.

Sending much love,
Karen x

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