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Feel like a hypocrite

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Wezz290
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2021 6:38 pm

Feel like a hypocrite

Post by Wezz290 »

Hi everyone.

4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, 3 weeks ago I had an ectopic pregnancy.
We currently have a 6 year daughter and a 17month old son. This pregnancy was not planned. We discussed our options when we found out and made the difficult decision to not continue with the pregnancy.
However it did not get that far.

The week after I had severe stomach pains and went to a and e after a big bleed.
I blacked out and was moved to the resuscitation ward. I had surgery to remove my left tube.
I lost so much blood and had 4 blood transfusions and an iron infusion.

My head is struggling to process everything at the moment. To begin with I was upset with the trauma of everything but I'm now beginning to feel upset about what I lost.

But I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset, that I'm not supposed to be grieving. How can I be upset over losing something I didn't want right?

I go back to work on Monday. Some people know, some people don't. I just feel like people will expect me to not be upset because I don't deserve to. What right do I have to be upset over something that wasn't going to be there. I feel like a hypocrite.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3142
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Feel like a hypocrite

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Wezz,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You have every right to feel sad about your loss. The decision was taken out of your hands and you have also had a traumatic experience to deal with.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Just a side note on returning to work, I know some people have to return due to financial reasons and some people want to return to work, but we generally advise it takes around 6 weeks to recover from surgery as your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly. Some women need a little longer sometimes to deal with the emotional impact. So if you need longer off work, this is perfectly normal and I would suggest speaking to your GP.

Sending much love,
Karen x

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Han4
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:21 pm

Re: Feel like a hypocrite

Post by Han4 »

Hello lovely,

You have every right to be upset regardless of whether the pregnancy was wanted or not. You have just been though a traumatic, emotional, painful and dangerous medical experience, allow yourself to feel all the emotions, its your body, your head, your heart. You don't have to justify to anyone how you are feeling, and remember you can't control how you feel, its natural. I hope you recover strong and healthy, and I wish you all the best xx

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