By registering on our forum, you can view and contribute to more topics on ectopic pregnancy. Your details are confidential and we do not send unsolicited emails. For your confidentiality, you can choose your own forum name to protect your anonymity if you so wish. If you register, there is no obligation to post; you can simply take comfort from the words of others. It is entirely up to you whether you post a message or read others' experiences or do both.
Feel like a hypocrite
Feel like a hypocrite
4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, 3 weeks ago I had an ectopic pregnancy.
We currently have a 6 year daughter and a 17month old son. This pregnancy was not planned. We discussed our options when we found out and made the difficult decision to not continue with the pregnancy.
However it did not get that far.
The week after I had severe stomach pains and went to a and e after a big bleed.
I blacked out and was moved to the resuscitation ward. I had surgery to remove my left tube.
I lost so much blood and had 4 blood transfusions and an iron infusion.
My head is struggling to process everything at the moment. To begin with I was upset with the trauma of everything but I'm now beginning to feel upset about what I lost.
But I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset, that I'm not supposed to be grieving. How can I be upset over losing something I didn't want right?
I go back to work on Monday. Some people know, some people don't. I just feel like people will expect me to not be upset because I don't deserve to. What right do I have to be upset over something that wasn't going to be there. I feel like a hypocrite.
-
- Posts: 3174
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Feel like a hypocrite
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You have every right to feel sad about your loss. The decision was taken out of your hands and you have also had a traumatic experience to deal with.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Just a side note on returning to work, I know some people have to return due to financial reasons and some people want to return to work, but we generally advise it takes around 6 weeks to recover from surgery as your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly. Some women need a little longer sometimes to deal with the emotional impact. So if you need longer off work, this is perfectly normal and I would suggest speaking to your GP.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
Re: Feel like a hypocrite
You have every right to be upset regardless of whether the pregnancy was wanted or not. You have just been though a traumatic, emotional, painful and dangerous medical experience, allow yourself to feel all the emotions, its your body, your head, your heart. You don't have to justify to anyone how you are feeling, and remember you can't control how you feel, its natural. I hope you recover strong and healthy, and I wish you all the best xx