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unplanned pregnancy, struggling emotionally

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Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2021 9:10 pm

unplanned pregnancy, struggling emotionally

Post by madskb »

Hi everyone - I'm new here and just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone else has had a similar situation.

I became pregnant while using the hormonal coil (so I had no idea!) and ended up in A&E with what I thought was a cyst on my ovary, but turned out to be a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I had a really traumatic experience in hospital after being rushed into surgery only a few hours after arriving, and honestly I feel really let down by the NHS. The whole process was overly-medicalised and there was no thought from anyone about how I was coping. Just because it wasn't a planned pregnancy doesn't mean it didn't affect me emotionally! I was discharged the day after my surgery and I haven't heard from anyone since, I didn't even get given any leaflets or information on how I could access support.
It's been 4 months now, and I'm still really struggling. My GP has diagnosed PTSD, but I'm still receiving no support for this as nobody I've spoken to (nurses/doctors/counsellors/etc) have ever seen this happen to anyone before - I'm feeling so alone and abandoned. I'm fed up of hearing "wow you are so unlucky, I've never seen this happen to anyone in my whole career", it's so unsettling.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has struggled emotionally for this long and could make me feel a little more normal? There's not a single minute I don't think about pregnancy or babies or my time in hospital, and I get quite violent flashbacks. Any advice would be really appreciated, or even just someone to tell me I'm not over-reacting.

Thank you <3

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2410
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: unplanned pregnancy, struggling emotionally

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear madskb,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
You are not the only lady to have had an ectopic pregnancy with a coil, it is thankfully very rare but sadly, does happen. I too found the experience in hospital very medicalised. The staff can sometimes become preoccupied with the emergency situation and forget in the middle of it all is a lady/family who have lost their baby (planned or not).

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and the symptoms you describe certainly appear to be that of PTSD. I am sad to hear that you haven't has support for this. I would suggest speaking to your GP to ensure you have been referred and to see if they can fast track your referral in any way.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here:

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:51 am

Re: unplanned pregnancy, struggling emotionally

Post by SoCalSD14 »

Firstly, that's terrible that the health system and providers left you feeling isolated and alone. You are not alone. Many women have gone through it. The taboo is not to "talk" about it but I don't believe in that.

I know how you feel and I know where you are at because I went through a very traumatic ectopic pregnancy that was compounding with other things e.g.: newly married within just weeks and yes, it was very much unplanned.

I got really bad PTSD from it. Violent flashbacks; bad avoidance, unable to look at pregnant people on the streets or even on TV; high blood pressure; other health issues.

Consider finding a therapist. Here in the states we need a psychiatrist to prescribe meds. Talking to someone helped me not feel alone when I found I could not speak to my husband easily (avoidance). It also helped bc she did a round of EMDR w me to help reprocess my major traumatic memories. And lastly what made a 1.8 year stretch w PTSD go away final was TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation which I can't say enough about how awesome it is.
It reconnects your neuron pathways by targeting your mood center in your brain.

It's painless... and hopefully insurance covers it bc it can be pricey. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Take care of you! You've got this!

It will go away but it takes committing to addressing it and give yourself time to get through it... for the next few months after surgery your body still thinks it is pregnant and needs to shed that status so be kind to yourself. You didn't do anything wrong to cause this; things happen.
My prayers go out to you.

May I suggest you checkout the resources people on this thread have provided.

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