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Ectopic, feelings, family, work

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SR93
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 10:14 pm

Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by SR93 »

Hi all, first time for me on something like this. I feel so lost and not sure where to turn. I am permenantly employed as a health care assistant on a gynecology ward in a hospital, so i knew everyone involved in my care. From the A&E staff, to the anesthetist to the surgeon. EVERYONE. And although that was comforting at the time im finding that quite hard now.
On the 22nd November i worked a 7-7.30 shift as normal and all was fine. Started having right abdo pain about half 8 quite intense, light headed and was being sick, put it down to a bug and went to bed with painkillers. Woke up about 1am with severe abdo pain and shoulder tip pain. As i work on the gynae ward i know the symptoms of an ectopic BUT i didn't know i was pregnant. I took and test and it was positive. I knew how dangerous it could be if i ruptured so i packed a bag and went straight to A&E (praying it would be my appendix and not an ectopic). Pregnancy test there was positive, bloods taken HCG was 12,000. Admitted to MY ward 6.30am as its the only gynae ward. Scan at 11 confirmed i was a ruptured ectopic. I was in theatre by half 12. Everything happened so fast i didn't even get to wash my bits before i went or tell my husband what was happening. I woke up back on my ward, my baby was gone and so was my right fallopian tube. All in the space of 12 hours. I was discharged the next day. To be honest i felt so numb i didn't feel anything. The day day after i was watching a film with my son. (I am so grateful and lucky to already have a son) i had a phone call, i needed to go fill the 'form' in. You know the one where you have to decided what you want to do with your baby. How can you be asked these questions after they have just took your baby away. It all hit me like a tone of bricks i was uncontrollably crying, screaming. My baby was gone forever and there was nothing i could do. Everyone was saying it could be worse you could of died. I know i could of died but my baby actually did. No one was understanding me still don't i don't think. I cried for the next 3 weeks. I was readmitted on the 8th December with the same pain, i was in for another 3 days. Having scan after scan and bloods after bloods. (I am petrified of needles) although my HCG had dropped it was still 2000 and was going up. I was allowed home on the tuesday but had to go back for bloods every 24 hours. No one knew what was going on. My HCG was still going up but nothing was showing on the scans. On the 17th of December they told me the only explanation was that there was another baby growing in an unknown location and my only safe option would be methotrexate which i needed to have as soon as pharmacy could dispense it (so now). So not only had they took one of my tubes, i had lost one baby and was now going to lose a second. Felt like my heart had just been ripped out for the second time. Had the injection and went home, bloods on the 4th day, nausea for a week and bloods on the 7th day, my HCG was dropping. Back every week then for bloods to monitor the drop in the HCG. I'm still ongoing with my bloods as my HCG has not yet dropped below 15 for them to be able to discharge me. I'm due back to work on the 17th. I don't think I'm ready, mentally, how do you process something that is still on going ? I haven't yet had a break from investigations or treatment. How do i go back to a gynae ward? I can't even go and pretend i am okay because everyone there knows what has happened. How can i go into work and avoid the 'sympathy look'? How can i hold someone else's hand who is going through the same thing and comfort them knowing how empty they will feel after treatment? How do i take a patient down to theatre knowing how broken they will feel when they wake up and their baby and possibly their tube will be gone and there is nothing they or i can do about it? How do i go back to work when i am so broken, lost and angry at the world. All that is going through my head is, why me? Why my baby? What have i done to deserve this? Why are they pregnant and I'm not? I have gone from being so upset all the time to being angry all the time. Please tell me I'm not alone. please tell me i am meant to feel like this. My husband, mother and close friends have been absolutely amazing and so supportive but they don't know what I'm going through mentally, the pain and heartache, guilt and emptiness i constantly feel. Will these feeling every get better ? Or go away? I feel like the only reason i am still functioning is because i have to for my son. Before all this my husband an i were talking about trying for another baby. I am only in my twenties, i still want another baby, even more so now but i don't think i could survive another ectopic or possibly miscarriage, but i also don't want this to stop me from trying for another. I'm scared. Will things even be close to normal again?

Hughesy90C
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2022 8:53 am

Re: Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by Hughesy90C »

Hi SR93. Unfortunately I don’t really have any answers to your questions. But I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and that you are not alone. I’m am 3 days post surgery after having an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube. I was 9 weeks pregnant and now I’m not, I’ve also lost my tube.
Like you I have a young child, she’s 4 and at the moment I think she is the main reason I’m managing to get through it. I think I’m still quite in shock from it all and quite numb.
I think you need to be kind to yourself, if your not ready to go back to work then you shouldn’t. It’s a massive thing you’ve been through and only you truly know how you are feeling. In time I think we will feel better but we have to take little steps to get there. Always here if it helps to talk to someone in the same situation, I don’t have the answers but I understand xx

SR93
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 10:14 pm

Re: Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by SR93 »

Sorry to hear you have been through the same. And is still really fresh for you. I agree the reason i am carrying on is because of my son. I don't think anyone else could of got me this far. At this point in my life i truly need him, probably more than he needs me. The anger is tiring, but everywhere i turn there's reminders of what i could of had but has been taken away from me. I hope you will feel better soon and recover well with your precious little girl xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear SR93,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, from your own words, it sounds like a frightening experience and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required. It sounds as though you may need longer off work from a psychological point of view. Walking back into the ward, seeing staff/friends/colleagues that cared for you certainly have the potential to be overwhelming. Can you ask about a phased return (when you feel ready to go back)
When you are ready, you may find strength in your personal experience in helping others. Many of us who support this charity are doing so because we have experienced ectopic pregnancy and want to help and support others. Women under your care will be lucky to have a staff member who truly understands the physical and emotional rollercoaster of experiencing ectopic pregnancy. It's important to only do this if you ever feel ready too. Supporting others after we have experienced a traumatic event is not for everyone and can only be done when we are ready.

It is important that we look after and support you just now. Although you emotions are normal at this stage of recovery. If the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/


Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.I

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

SR93
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 10:14 pm

Re: Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by SR93 »

I don't feel normal right now, i feel so angry and bitter. Physically I'm fine i recovered really well thankfully. I just can't get away from my head, its so loud when the rest of me feels so empty and alone. Its not the physical part of my job that I'm worrying about. Its the emotional side. I don't think many people have to work in the same place that they could of died and lost their baby. The thought is a struggle. IM hoping when the time is right i could be strong enough to be that support for someone else. The only reason i'm functioning is because i have to for my son. I have good and bad days even smile sometimes. I'm not a talker i never have been. I find it really hard. Dont know how i even wrote in here.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Ectopic, feelings, family, work

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear SR93,
There is absolutely no right or wrong way to handle this. It has been a very traumatic event for you and you are still in the early days. This is why I say your feelings are normal because anger and bitterness are feelings we do experience after such events. You have every right to feel, whatever it is you feel right now. We all experience things differently and will all feel differently.
I never tell people what they should or shouldn't be doing, as we are all completely individual but it really does sound that you are not ready to return to work just yet. I would advise speaking to your doctor for further time off (if you think this is right for you)
If you feel it would be too much of a struggle to return to your current ward, I would perhaps speak to your line manager for you to be referred to the occupational health department within the hospital, who can perhaps look at redeploying you to another department, even if just temporary (again if you feel this would be right for you, I'm just throwing ideas out there)
I wouldn't make any drastic decisions right now. I would concentrate on you, which is why further time away from work maybe helpful.
I get not being a big talker. We do offer email support too if you would prefer more one to one support or to express yourself more privately, The details are below. I am also happy to try and support you on these boards too. However you feel comfortable communicating with us and for however long you need us, is how we will be here.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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