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Post by Ausgirl1 »

Hi everyone,

This is weird because I am from Australia. I had an ectopic pregnancy and was operated on Aug 21st. The day of my surgery was also my partner birthday.
I have found it to be very isolating. I just have so many questions and emotions but doctors give me different advice, no one sees how hard it is and I feel like I can’t be sad over something I never really had.
I would love to go back and be pregnant again..
did anyone else feel the same way... like alone in their pain.

EPT Host 22
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Isolated

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Ausgirl1,

I too struggled my ectopic pregnancies and felt very isolated, feeling that no one quite understood what I was going through, nor even I really understood what I was going through. At that time, I found that journaling helped me to get the thoughts out of my head and with time, I was able to share with my partner, friends and family. Part of the process was helped me with the acceptance that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies, but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We operate a helpline service, and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however, you wish and for as long as you wish.

Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. These boards are also a safe space for you to share and process what you are going through. We are here for you anytime and for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,


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Re: Isolated

Post by Jeminy »

I completely get where you're coming from; I'm still trying to make sense of how I'm feeling. I initially thought I was having an early pregnancy miscarriage, and in my mind I was able to tell myself "well, those are very common and usually happen when there's something wrong with the cells, so it would never have been viable in any way", but I found out it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had to choose how I wanted to have it removed. At that point I was mainly thinking about my health, but also my future fertility, so I opted for medication, but it didn't work and my tube ruptured 2 weeks later. It's now 2 weeks after surgery and only now is my mind starting to process everything. I keep having the same thought over and over...,"if it had only made it to my uterus, I'd be 10.5 weeks pregnant; I'd be announcing my pregnancy to my friends in a couple weeks". I'm definitely grieving for what could have been, which makes sense to me but I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about that, as it's such a horribly sad thing to talk about. I'm also very sad because I know that, when my husband and I start trying again in a couple months time, I'll be full of apprehension, and when I see a positive test result, I'm never going to have the same level of excitement as that first time, I'm just going to feel nervous. Also, the fact that it was literally a life threatening situation is also only just dawning on me, and I think it'll be a long time before I've fully processed everything. My husband has been amazing, but he's currently away for 2 weeks, so I'm left alone with my thoughts. My colleagues, and the friends and family I have told, have all been very sympathetic and have tried to lift my spirits by telling me about other women they know who have had ectopic pregnancies then gone on to have healthy pregnancies. Talking about it definitely helps, and the sisterhood is always there to listen, but it is such a personal trauma to suffer, both physically and mentally, that I suspect I will always feel a certain level of isolation. Have you told many people about it? It really does help to talk x

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Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2019 7:15 am

Re: Isolated

Post by Ausgirl1 »

Hi Jeminy and Ectopic Pregnancy Trust,

I appreciate your responses. It means a lot at this time.
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles and loss. This has been an eye opening experience as to what other people struggle through.
Your right for me it has been helpful to talk about it. I have told my colleagues, immediate family and a couple of friends. It’s hard tho when they have ever experienced anything like this.

I have so many medical questions now. I am awaiting an appt for follow up so I can ask about fertility. That what’s hard for me too, a positive pregnancy test is never going to be the same. And while I cannot wait to try again, I am not sure if that’s just masking my pain. I also feel like I’ll be waiting for another bad news story.

Some days are good, but some days are really tough...
thanks for your help. This has been helpful! One day at a time.

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