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It's been a year......

Just for men, to post our questions and share our opinions about ectopic pregnancies. Ladies, please note this board is for the men only. Gentlemen, if you wish to ask a general question please post on the main board.
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Muggle
Posts: 0
Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2020 10:41 pm

It's been a year......

Post by Muggle »

This is going to be the first time I've opened myself up to this extent of vulnerability!

5th Sept 19, the day that changed me!

We had spoken about having another baby for years so eventually we decided she would come off contraception and just allow nature do what it wants to do.

My wife started suffering some pain in her stomach after a few months, saw the doctor who said due to the medication she is on for previous injuries if it really starts hurting get up hospital. A couple of days or so after that she wants to go up so we drop kids to school and head up. Got there and explained about what the doctor had said and she goes straight through, guys come in do all the normal checks, ask all the normal questions, obviously 1 of them being 'are you pregnant?' obviously we answer no and explain, because of that they decide to do a test. 5 minutes later the doc comes in, I have some good news and some bad news and proceeds to explain....

I can never explain how you go from worried to delighted and then absolute devastation in such a short space of time, literally no longer than 5 seconds and I experience all those emotions in 1 hit, to say the ground went from under me is a [heck] of an understatement (pun not intended)

A friend of ours proved their worth as such with what they done, as soon as I told them they organised everything with the kids, was able to concentrate fully on the wife and myself. I doubt I would have eaten for 2/3 days had it not been for them, they forced food into me.

Since then my mental health that I have been struggling with for years took a serious turn for the worse, I was having visual and auditory hallucinations and since then my diagnosis has changed, as have I! My medication certainly seems to be helping with my hallucinations but I've grown colder, darker almost with the anger, dispair and frustration of the situation. I'm scared to try as I don't want to go through anything like that again, my mental health seems like it's getting worse despite the extra on my meds and I seriously contemplated suicide more than once.

I have been having some form of councilling considering the world's state at the moment and possibly for the first time I can't say if it's helping at all and the worst thing for me is the fact I love my wife more than I could ever say but right this minute I can't honestly say if I'm still IN love with her and that's truly eating away at me as I don't want to hurt her!

Sorry for the rambling, I'm not considering suicide at all in the last couple of months so I think some kinda healing/acceptance has happened, whichever way you want to see it but just this 1st year has been the worst year of my life so far.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1850
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: It's been a year......

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Muggle,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and of the difficult year you have had so far.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience for everyone involved and it can be normal to experience feelings of isolation and worry. It seems that you have struggled with your mental health and it is very good that you have recognised this and are currently having counseling. As part of the counselling, do you feel you'd be able to open up and talk about your feelings about your wife and relationship. It may help you understand your feelings and be able to talk to her also.
It may also be worth considering marriage counselling. I know you say you do not wish to hurt her, however if you are not happy in your relationship and it is adversely affecting your mental health, this may affect you both in the long run so it would be best to address this. If you are in the UK, the charity Relate maybe able to help, or as I say mention it to your current counsellor.
https://www.relate.org.uk/

It is good to hear that you no longer have feelings of suicide and as you say, you have progressed a long way to get here which is amazing, well done. If you do feel as low again however, please ensure you speak to someone, the Samaritans have helplines or you can ask you current counsellor or GP for a local crisis helpline.
https://www.samaritans.org/

Traumatic events really can affect our emotions and may stir feelings we didn't have before or sometimes cause new ones to surface that we weren't expecting. It can also be very isolating.
We at the Trust are here for you and please lean on us for as long as you need.

Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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