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Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

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betty0510
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2021 2:51 pm

Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

Post by betty0510 »

Hi all,

I had a ruptured ectopic in august 2020 and had to have my right tube removed along with it. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was being taken for emergency surgery.

Since my ectopic it seems as though everyone is currently pregnant and I'm finding it really hard to be happy for others, which I know is selfish of me. My partner and I want to have children in the future but know that we aren't ready yet so haven't got anything planned currently however I still seem to feel very jealous and angry towards other when they announce their pregnancy and I just wondered if anyone else is feeling the same way? Although my ectopic was an unplanned pregnancy I still feel very u[set and depressed about losing the baby and I think that is another very confusing thing to understand.

Here's hoping someone can understand me and offer some advice.

Thanks in advance.

Stephy
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2020 6:38 am

Re: Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

Post by Stephy »

Hi Betty,

I feel exactly the same way. Pregnancy or newborn babies seem to be everywhere - 3 people I know are due at a similar time to when my babies would've been due.

I think for me, it is a reminder of what I've lost and what could have been, rather than being genuinely upset or angry with them.

Whether or not you knew about the pregnancy beforehand, it isn't unusual to think about things afterwards and the "what if" or imagining what life could have been like had things turned out differently.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Petrona40
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:21 pm

Re: Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

Post by Petrona40 »

Hi Betty,

I am so sorry for your loss. Even if it wasn’t planned, when something so precious gets taken away, it’s heartbreaking. It sometimes makes your realise how much you really want it.

If it makes you feel any better, everything your feeling is completely normal and please know you are not alone. I’ve felt this too. I had to take a short break from social media because it was overwhelming the number of women who are pregnant or have just given birth and honesty, it hurt. I would suggest you do it too? To distract me, I’m focusing on my health this month, getting myself ready for when we are ready to try again. It might work, might not but it’s giving me focus just now. It’s also good to talk it out, so make sure you use the support around you and definitely open up to your partner.

Take care and please know, we are all here to help.

dlm08
Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Apr 28, 2017 8:30 pm
Location: USA

Re: Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

Post by dlm08 »

Hi Betty,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I have been exactly where you are now; I had ectopic pregnancies in March 2017 and July 2019, and both were unplanned. In those times I could have written your exact words. It is such a confusing thing to experience. I also felt jealousy even though I was not ready to be pregnant. I also remember feeling relieved that I wasn't going to have a baby when I wasn't ready, and feeling SO guilty for feeling that way. It is a lot to work through. I hope you allow yourself to feel grief or sadness, and know that everything you are feeling is totally valid even if its hard to understand. I'm glad you're reaching out here, this board has been a lifesaver for me.

My best advise is to seek out counseling / therapy. I put it off for a long time, and really wish I had sought it out sooner. Both my partner and I really needed help in working through the emotional toll the ectopics took on us. Regardless of the circumstances, its a traumatic experience, so be patient with yourself as you recover physically + emotionally.

I hope there's a little comfort in knowing you're not alone in your experience. Please feel free to reach out if you want or need to talk.

Dana

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2153
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Anger or Jealousy? I'm confused

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Betty0510,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. As the ladies have mentioned, this is a completely normal reaction.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.
Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x

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