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Feeling alone

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Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2021 9:52 pm

Feeling alone

Post by Nicki3524 »

I had an ectopic pregnancy with emergency surgery on December 22nd, I was 6 weeks pregnant at that point and so excited with my husband to have such an amazing xmas present for under the tree. That changed within a span of 12 hours and I had emergency surgery.I did not have it in my fallopian tube however but on my ovary which my doctor said was only the second time he has seen something like that in his 25 year career(yay how special).
I have mostly recovered physically but i find the emotional pain and struggle almost harder as days go on.When this first happened everyone in our family and close circle of friends were very caring and a great emotional support system for me,but as the time goes on everyone sort of “moved on”. I feel like I should as well but I find it so difficult. I have barely had a good nights sleep ever since it happened, I lay in bed night after night either consumed by grief of terrified of what the future might look like. Am I the only one who struggles so badly with going on? I feel like I can barely function and emotionally I feel completely empty and drained.
That makes me incredibly guilty as I already have a almost 3 year old and dont feel like i am a great mom at the moment.
Please someone tell me it will be better or what to do that helped you, as I really struggle right now to see the light at the end of the tunnel

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Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2020 6:38 am

Re: Feeling alone

Post by Stephy »

Hi Nicki,

I had surgery for my ectopic on 18th December. I had some really down days and things started picking up... and then they didn't! I have times where I can't stop crying, and times where I feel almost normal again. I tried to go back to work this week and ended getting signed off for another week because emotionally I'm just not ready.

We've gone through a lot over the last 2-3 weeks and along with the physical pain, there's the grief, hormones, questions and so much more.

If you can, try to do something kind for yourself every day, even if it's something others would see as "small". And keep talking. There are a few of us on here who experienced ectopics over december, so are all still very early on in the recovery, as well as those who have had a while longer to process, and may be over the other side or still be struggling.

We're here for you x

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Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2021 12:27 pm

Re: Feeling alone

Post by Abatross »

Hey Nicki,
I also had an ectopic in December, treated on new year's eve, and have found it an incredibly lonely experience. My husband and parents have been incredible but it's hard not knowing anyone who's been through the same thing. It's only been a week since my treatment but I definitely have ups and downs. Like Stephy I tried to go back to work but failed! Take it really easy (even easier than you think you need to!) And set yourself mini goals like going for a 5-10 minute walk or a short yoga sequence if you feel up to it - that's really helped me. Sending virtual hugs x

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Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 8:33 pm

Re: Feeling alone

Post by lolly2481 »

Hi Nicki, I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy 9th of December. Also on my ovary. I am still dealing with it as my 'pregnancy' is being managed expectantly and although my last hCG results on 27th of December were quite low they were not at zero yet. I was back at work Monday after having 3 weeks off. I'm mostly doing ok now but still have sad and weepy days because it is a big, scary and emotional thing to beng through. It is ok to need more time to deal with things. Don't feel guilty think your not being a good mum. I 100% guarantee you are. It will just take time to recover emotionally and physically. X

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Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Feeling alone

Post by gabriel123 »

Hi Nicki,

I’m really sorry to hear about what happened and you feeling so confused. My partner ended our relationship when I came out of hospital following tubal removal so I do know how loneliness can send you to the deity’s following this event. Like you, I have a child whom I live dearly but has sadly had to see first hand what I’ve gone through and also go through the emotions after partner leaving. The first few weeks I was a complete mess, an undignified, erratic, depressed mess of a person and it makes me cry to think of it. A month has passed and only now am I starting to process that I had the operation as this had been blocked out due to the abandonment from ex partner. All I will say is I thought there was no way these feelings would ever leave. I still struggle to leave home but it genuinely is getting better. Grieving, loss and shock all have to be processed and it really is a process of emotions. I hope in a few weeks you, like me, can look back and see things have improved. I’m even making sure I note 3 things that went well each day.. even washing hair is an achievement! Sending you lots of love, you are so lucky to have your family and I hope you feel improved soon xxxx

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Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:12 am

Re: Feeling alone

Post by Emma1610 »

Hi Nicki, I am sorry for your loss. Its an awful thing to have experienced. I can relate so much to your post about people moving on and expecting that you have too. Recently a close friend has told me she is pregnant, and whilst I am delighted for her, my grief hit me hard. I just cried and cried, not when I was with her but later when I was alone. I told my partner how I was feeling and he was shocked. He couldn't believe I was making it about myself. I am so hurt by his reaction and feel so very alone. I am glad no one saw how much I sobbed and cried. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that despite feeling alone, your not. We are all hear with similar hurdles to face. Sending love xxx

EPT Host 20
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Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Feeling alone

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Nicki,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all, take time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x

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