Struggling mentally and physically after my first EP

[Allie_24]

3 weekend ago I went to the doctor with basically all the symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy but just throught it was constipation and really bad stomach pains. I found out then that I was 7 weeks pregnant and it was possible it was eptopic so they sent me to the hospital for more testings but since it was Sunday I had to go back on Monday for and ultrasound and more blood tests.
By this time I had no idea what was going on and was just still in shock and confused that I was pregnant because we weren’t trying and was told by my doctor that it will be very difficult to get pregnant because I have polycystic ovaries and also had the contraception implant in. So on the Monday after my ultrasound they couldn’t see a baby in my uterus and was calling it a pregnancy in an unknown location and admitted me into hospital and booked me in for surgerythat afternoon to see where the pregnancy was and found it in the left tube and removed both the tube and pregnancy.
So I basically went from one day being pregnant to the next in hospital no longer pregnant. It all happened so fast that I didn’t really have time to process it.
It all started to sink in when I was recovering. I have really good days and then really bad days physically and emotionally.
I still don’t know how I feel about it. I have days where I just break down in tears at random moments. I feel so lost and confused and terrible. It’s all rather conflicting emotions as well.
I would just love some advice on how to deal with this. My partner has been absolutely amazing through this. I definitely couldn’t have survived without him.

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Allie_24,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

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[Allie_24]

Thank you Karen! That’s one thing I’m struggling with is just allowing myself to relax and take time to heal. I’m working on it! Thank you for your support.

[Gypsy_mermaid19]

Hello Allie,
I totally understand what you're going through. In fact I just discovered this help group and knowing that I can communicate with other women who have experienced a similar experience is unfortunate of course because it's not fair but relieving because you don't feel alone and have a community to lean on.

I underwent emergency surgery February 1st. I was rushed to the hospital not knowing how to come to terms with "no fetus" and "hemorrhaging" in my stomach. I was scared out of my mind. Nothing was explained to me, thoroughly at least before hand since it was such an urgent matter.

I understand you! It's been 20 days post surgery and I still feel like I'm living the nightmare. I still get little pokes and pains and get really paranoid. There are days where I'm ready to move on, after all I'm left with one Fallopian tube and I was told today after examination that my left ovary was showing activity and I would probably get a period soon, thus very much fertile. But then there are other days were the aches scare me to the point where I begin to feel like I'm reliving the experience all over. I ask myself why me??! It was just yesterday that my husband and I were ecstatic about being pregnant and now he has to see me experiencing depression and anxiety over the ectopic pregnancy.

Thanks for sharing! I'm right there with you! We will get through this!

Take care,
Alex

[busy-bee]

Hi Allie,
I understand how you are feeling. We knew that we were pregnant for two blissful weeks and the scan was just a precaution as the doctor said that she was 99% sure it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy when we spoke on the Thursday and then we had the scan on the Monday that revealed the same as you that there was nothing in my uterus. It is a scary time – both the loss of the baby and also the surgery. My surgery was 4 weeks ago on Monday and I have come back to work this week. I understand how you say that you don’t know how you feel – as I have feelings of the same. Coming back to work has helped me as it has kept me busy and also it has physically drained me so I am sleeping better. I hope that as they days go on you feel better – I totally agree that you give yourself time. I got very frustrated that I couldn’t clear my head through running but we need to heal physically as well, as surgery is a big thing to go through, it takes time to heal from it all. I am thinking of you and sorry that you have had to go through this ❤

[Allie_24]

Thank you so much for your kid words ladies.

I guess I'm kind of glad I didn't know I was pregnant until the last minute cause I think I would be feeling worse, but then I wish I did know so then I could of done something different and I could still be pregnant. I miss going to the gym to clear my head but just walking into town (10 mins away) wears me out.
Working definitely helps so keep my mind off of it.

Hope you girls start to feel somewhat normal and better again xx

[Amyjxdej1]

Hello Allie, my names amy and I’ve very recently had to go through one of the hardest most confusing times in my life so far. I’m 22 and had never been pregnant before. The day I found out I was I didn’t know how to react at all.. I was just about to have my implant put back in as I’d been under so much pressure with my periods at work (all male environment) so they never understood. The nurse told me my test come back positive and I just didn’t believe it. I went home and told my mom, grandparents and then eventually plucked up the courage to go and see my partner.

Cut a long story short he wasn’t happy at all. I didn’t know what to do, I was in two minds of keeping the baby but his response pretty much helped me make the desision even though it didn’t feel 100% right to do. Eventually after a very long chat we decided not to go through with it.

Skipping forward to the weekend coming after finding out, me and my partner went away, had the best weekend ever to try and come closer and get to grips with what’s going on.. on the Saturday I started to bleed very heavily. I thought omg am I losing it? Thoughts and feelings of sadness and relief as I thought I wouldn’t have to go through the guilt of the abortion but sadness as it was my first pregnancy and knowing what could be happening is so frightening. That evening the bleeding had stopped. All was well and we continued our lovely weekend away but soon come Sunday and the bleeding began again but this time a lot heavier and pains followed.

We returned home the Sunday dinner time and the pains I was having got bad to the point I was limping, I knew something wasn’t right. I rang nhs 111 and they asked me to go see a doctor so I did. He then sent me for an emergency scan and once they performed it there was no sign of a baby. The nurse proceeded to do an internal scan only to find a “mass” next to my right ovary in my tube, she then revealed it was ectopic and that’s when the nightmare started. I felt as I’d jinxed myself as I’m one to google every ailment I get and I had been reading up on ectopic pregnancy days before it all happened:( the worst part about it was that not only was it ectopic but I was miscarrying. My tube didn’t rupture but was very close to and if I hadn’t have gotten seen to I could’ve been dead.

the doctor took some bloods and asked me to come back as soon as the ward opened in the morning. I returned and the worry was unreal. Knowing I might have to have surgery was killing me. Never had an operation before, he then told me that because my hormone levels were higher than they’d hoped for I had to have surgery that day. Within 2 hours I was prepped for surgery in and out and waking up that evening. I feel like I can’t process what’s happened. Recovery was [heck], I’m scared to do normal things, I’m struggling at work because it’s so strenuous as I work for JLR, my relationship is now in tatters and I just feel lost.

On the 1st of March The service for remembering the baby is going to be hard. I don’t know how to feel about it, wether to hold my head up high or just fall to the ground devastated.

Things are so hard at the moment and I’m so sorry for rambling on but I feel I can’t talk to anyone about it because they don’t understand. I hope everyone can overcome this because we’re still here, the cruel fate that was set upon us can’t ruin our lives forever xxxxxxx