Awful Christmas

[Feathers1991]

I have no one to talk to so thought I would give this a try.
The week before Christmas I got a BFP I was over the moon as we had been trying for about a year and a half I told my fiancé straight away and he was so happy.
On the Monday I called the doctors who said they don’t deal with confirming pregnancy’s anymore and to call the midwife and make an appointment, I called straight away and they said pop in as they have a walk in where you then make your appointment so me and my fiancé went along over the moon I was given loads of information and some free bits and pieces (that I never got to look at) we made an appointment for after Christmas on the 9th January. That night while my fiancé was at work I started spotting then had some awful pains when he got in from work he took me straight to hospital as he said I looked awful (charming, but I’m pleased he did) I was rushed straight through but then they decided I was ok and to come back tomorrow for a scan. We didn’t get any sleep that night at all. Off we went to the hospital in the morning feeling a little more hopeful as I had hadn’t had anymore more bleeding they took my bloods and then sent me for my scan and scan showed nothing couldn’t see anything except a cyst on my right ovary but bloods came back and my hcg levels were high I can’t remember what exactly but they suggested I had had a miscarriage and to come back in 2 days which I did still nothing on ultrasound and hcg was still rising I could tell they didn’t know what to do with me they asked me to come back in 2 days again which was Christmas Eve we had prepared ourselves for the worse but I was still a little hopeful as one of the ultrasound technicians had suggested maybe it was to early to see anything. So Christmas Eve morning we went back and still hcg was rising but nothing on ultrasound I was sent to have a ultrasound by someone else by now I was going mad we sat there from 9 in the morning until 7 at night until they decided it was a possible ectopic and they wanted to put me to sleep to investigate- I freaked out, thank god for my fiancé otherwise I don’t know what I would of done. The staff that had dealt with me all week were fantastic but the staff on Christmas Eve were dreadful. So about 9 o’clock I was sent down to theatre as soon as I woke up I asked what they had done and they had removed my baby and left Fallopian tube I couldn’t come to terms with it at all. The staff on the ward where fantastic and let my fiancé stay I was discharged Christmas morning as I hadn’t stopped begging to go home. I still can’t get my head around it and I am now waiting for an appointment about the cyst on my right side as the hospital did nothing about it and I had to go to my doctor and ask and they have referred me.
I am in such a bad place mentally I am so lucky to have my fiancé as he is a amazing and has obviously struggled with it all aswell but has stayed strong for me.

[Sunshinewalk88]

Hi,

I’ve just read your message and what you have been through sounds absolutely awful especially at Christmas. I know it probably doesn’t feel like it but time is a good healer and eventually in time things will feel better just take each day one step at a time.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in June of last year and it was truly heartbreaking everything happens so fast you can’t deal with it until after. I was given the injection of Methotrexate and had to keep going back like you for blood tests. This website will help you we are all in the same boat and are all here to help and support one another.

I hope you do feel better in time, before it happened I hadnt even heard of an ectopic pregnancy i didn’t know what it was. I think there needs to be more done to raise awareness of it.

Sending you lots of hugs xxxx

[Feathers1991]

Thank you for replying. I totally agree I didn’t know much had heard of ectopic pregnancy’s but never realised how dangerous they are or anything like that, I also feel like there is not much done to help afterwards and just felt like I was chucked out to deal with everything myself. I wish I could do something to help others when I my self feel a lot better... xxx

[Sunshinewalk88]

I felt exactly the same it’s like the hospitals are that busy, understaffed, underfunded etc etc they just want to get you dealt with and out the door. I was discharged and then that was it no follow up nothing. I went to my GP and they had NOTHING on their computer system showing that I’d even had an ectopic that really annoyed me. I had 4 weeks off work and they were great but once I was back it was like nothing had even happened everything was back to normal and I was thinking oh my god I’ve not even dealt with what happened and it’s like the world is back to normal.

It’s just bad luck that’s all it comes down to hopefully we will get our healthy pregnancy one day xx

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Feathers1991,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and the difficult time you have been through.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal. You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen X

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Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
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[Feathers1991]

I just don’t think a lot of the staff no much about ectopic pregnancy’s either. My doctors weren’t informed either when I phoned for a sick note as I was off for 3 weeks they didn’t have a clue. I am at the minute waiting for an appointment to see my doctor but it isn’t until the 20th so I will see what they can offer and also mention some of the things you have mentioned.
Thank you both for replying x