Hi All,
After severe abdominal pains all weekend and a positive pregnancy test at the doctors on Tuesday morning I was rushed in for emergency surgery on Tuesday afternoon following diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy and internal bleeding. I am fine now and back at home.
We weren’t trying for a baby and I had a contraceptive coil inserted (which has now been removed) so the pregnancy was a bit of a shock. However, I was pregnant and then not pregnant in the space of 12 hours...
I’m struggling a bit with how to feel about it all; At first I was very matter of fact about it and although it was sad, it was what it was and at least my health was ok. However, the more I get over the shock of the whole situation, the more upset I seem to be getting about losing the pregnancy. I was 6 weeks on.
It sounds ridiculous but my background is in cattle fertility, and believe it or not, we are very similar biologically so I have all the scientific knowledge of early embryonic death etc but I guess I’m not just as thick skinned and pragmatic as I thought.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with regards the pregnancy being a shock let alone the eptopoc pregnancy? I feel like I shouldn’t be upset and there are people that are actually trying to have a baby out there that lose them...I should just be greatful I’m ok.
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No idea how to feel
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3176
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: No idea how to feel
Dear Herdy123,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
It does not matter if the pregnancy was planned or not, there is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,
We are all here for you for as long as you need.
Much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
It does not matter if the pregnancy was planned or not, there is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,
We are all here for you for as long as you need.
Much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Re: No idea how to feel
Hello,
My 1st time on here! I'm so sorry for your loss too. I have returned home on Saturday from surgery where I had my right tube removed. I am very lucky to already have two very lovely boys and we weren't trying (I was on the mini pill...never again!) So like you I understand the speed and shock. Mine was diagnosed almost 2 weeks after we found out.
I think after the initial shock of the ectopic and surgery that had to happen you begin to grieve for what could have been. Some days I'm ok and others I break down. I think the best thing - for me anyway, is to roll with it, not be afraid of your emotions just let them happen. I keep thinking I'm being silly but it's not silly it's personal how you feel and I think ignoring it makes it worse. Next step once over the healing process is my fear of this happening again! (if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again.) I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
Best of luck to you, I hope you have a speedy recovery!
My 1st time on here! I'm so sorry for your loss too. I have returned home on Saturday from surgery where I had my right tube removed. I am very lucky to already have two very lovely boys and we weren't trying (I was on the mini pill...never again!) So like you I understand the speed and shock. Mine was diagnosed almost 2 weeks after we found out.
I think after the initial shock of the ectopic and surgery that had to happen you begin to grieve for what could have been. Some days I'm ok and others I break down. I think the best thing - for me anyway, is to roll with it, not be afraid of your emotions just let them happen. I keep thinking I'm being silly but it's not silly it's personal how you feel and I think ignoring it makes it worse. Next step once over the healing process is my fear of this happening again! (if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again.) I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
Best of luck to you, I hope you have a speedy recovery!
Re: No idea how to feel
Hi Herdy.
Im a newbie on this website and this is my first post. I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through recently. I just went through something similar and as like you, I didn't know I was pregnant. What an emotional rollercoaster.
I had pain last week and thought it was my period which was a little late and then got a blast of pain on Tues eve the 3rd and left it 26 hours before going to the hospital. I was on holidays in Spain at the time so kept putting it off thinking that it would pass. I went into the hospital thinking it was appendicitis as that's what the gp had suspected.
The doctors did loads of tests- blood, urine, x-ray, ultrasound and finally an internal ultrasound in the maternity ward. All the while I was thinking it was appendicitis. Because of the language barrier I wasn't getting any information between tests so it came as a massive shock when I was told that my urine test showed that I was pregnant but they couldn't see a baby in my uterus. They confirmed that i had an ectopic pregnancy with another blood test and literally took me straight to the operating theatre for a laparoscopy as I was internally bleeding. I barely had time to say bye to my bf not to mind process what was happening.
Like you, I was very matter of fact for the first day or two. I thought that it was what it was and I was lucky that I was diagnosed and treated so fast and came through a life threatening situation. I kept thinking of what I was grateful for- the fact that my bf and I can conceive in the first place and that they only took one fallopian tube so I have a chance to get naturally pregnant again. I also thought how lucky I was that I hadn't known I was pregnant as it spared me from getting attached to the baby and what could've been. It wasn't until day three when we were in the plane leaving Spain that I was overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn't help but feel that we were leaving a part of us behind and I sobbed for half the journey home.
We weren't actively trying to conceive but in saying that we weren't being very careful either. We just bought a house so we said if it happens now, great.
I've gone from not even thinking about being pregnant to looking at my swollen belly (from the laparoscopy) and wishing it was a bump. I didnt think the loss of this would effect me as much as it has.
I've learned from other situations that by accepting and allowing myself to feel the emotions that crop up, I cope much better in the long term. I'm trying to put that into practice now.
I completely empathise with you when you talk about others out there who are trying to conceive and then lose their baby and you feel you shouldn't be upset because you weren't trying. I thought that too but all I know is that the emotions I feel when I think of the loss are definitely real. I think maybe because I didn't know about the baby was a blessing one way as it made the whole situation very matter of fact initially. On the other hand I think the reality of what happened is taking a little longer to register as the shock of the news is so big. I don't even know if that makes sense?
I think you are completely entitled to feel upset. Whether the pregnancy was planned or not, it's still a loss. Don't be hard on yourself thinking that you shouldn't feel a certain way, I imagine that will only make it harder for you.
I am still in the midst of accepting everything that has happened. I'm just going with the flow from one day to the next and what an emotional rollercoaster that is. Surely it'll calm down over time and I'll be able to focus on the positives of my situation. My bf and I discussed planting a special tree in our garden and burying my hospital bracelet and a few other bits with it, for the baby we lost. I think that would help make the situation real and help me to move on emotionally. I'm not ready to do that yet but hopefully will be soon enough.
Reading your post helped me. If I can help you in anyway, I'm here.
X
Im a newbie on this website and this is my first post. I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through recently. I just went through something similar and as like you, I didn't know I was pregnant. What an emotional rollercoaster.
I had pain last week and thought it was my period which was a little late and then got a blast of pain on Tues eve the 3rd and left it 26 hours before going to the hospital. I was on holidays in Spain at the time so kept putting it off thinking that it would pass. I went into the hospital thinking it was appendicitis as that's what the gp had suspected.
The doctors did loads of tests- blood, urine, x-ray, ultrasound and finally an internal ultrasound in the maternity ward. All the while I was thinking it was appendicitis. Because of the language barrier I wasn't getting any information between tests so it came as a massive shock when I was told that my urine test showed that I was pregnant but they couldn't see a baby in my uterus. They confirmed that i had an ectopic pregnancy with another blood test and literally took me straight to the operating theatre for a laparoscopy as I was internally bleeding. I barely had time to say bye to my bf not to mind process what was happening.
Like you, I was very matter of fact for the first day or two. I thought that it was what it was and I was lucky that I was diagnosed and treated so fast and came through a life threatening situation. I kept thinking of what I was grateful for- the fact that my bf and I can conceive in the first place and that they only took one fallopian tube so I have a chance to get naturally pregnant again. I also thought how lucky I was that I hadn't known I was pregnant as it spared me from getting attached to the baby and what could've been. It wasn't until day three when we were in the plane leaving Spain that I was overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn't help but feel that we were leaving a part of us behind and I sobbed for half the journey home.
We weren't actively trying to conceive but in saying that we weren't being very careful either. We just bought a house so we said if it happens now, great.
I've gone from not even thinking about being pregnant to looking at my swollen belly (from the laparoscopy) and wishing it was a bump. I didnt think the loss of this would effect me as much as it has.
I've learned from other situations that by accepting and allowing myself to feel the emotions that crop up, I cope much better in the long term. I'm trying to put that into practice now.
I completely empathise with you when you talk about others out there who are trying to conceive and then lose their baby and you feel you shouldn't be upset because you weren't trying. I thought that too but all I know is that the emotions I feel when I think of the loss are definitely real. I think maybe because I didn't know about the baby was a blessing one way as it made the whole situation very matter of fact initially. On the other hand I think the reality of what happened is taking a little longer to register as the shock of the news is so big. I don't even know if that makes sense?
I think you are completely entitled to feel upset. Whether the pregnancy was planned or not, it's still a loss. Don't be hard on yourself thinking that you shouldn't feel a certain way, I imagine that will only make it harder for you.
I am still in the midst of accepting everything that has happened. I'm just going with the flow from one day to the next and what an emotional rollercoaster that is. Surely it'll calm down over time and I'll be able to focus on the positives of my situation. My bf and I discussed planting a special tree in our garden and burying my hospital bracelet and a few other bits with it, for the baby we lost. I think that would help make the situation real and help me to move on emotionally. I'm not ready to do that yet but hopefully will be soon enough.
Reading your post helped me. If I can help you in anyway, I'm here.
X
