I was finally diagnosed with a right-sided ectopic pregnancy on February 28th after multiple ultrasounds. I was about two months pregnant at the time. After the diagnosis, the radiology tech walked me down to the ER, where they ended up giving me two shots of methotrexate on both of my shoulders. They said that I had to go in for two blood tests, one four days after, and another seven days after. They were looking for a 15% reduction in my HCG levels.
The day of the last blood test, and the day before my check-up appointment, it snowed. I work a crap job, there's really no way to get around that. Part of my crap job is ensuring that the walks stay clear for customers. Neither one of my co-workers wanted to go shovel the walks, so I did. Normally it wouldn't have been a big deal, but it was really, really heavy, wet snow that night. It didn't hurt when I was in the process of shoveling, so I didn't think much of it. As soon as I had finished though, the pain started. I remember walking back inside and telling one of my co-workers that something didn't feel right.
I pushed through it though, because I didn't want to get fired. Stocked the cooler, condensed it, all that jazz. Went home after clocking out around midnight, I walked in my apartment, and immediately headed to the bathroom. My husband was worried at this point, as I was telling him through the door how much pain I was in. He wanted me to go to the ER. I didn't have health insurance though. and my check-up appointment was that morning at 9 am. I thought I could make it, and avoid the costly ER dues.
Around 2 am, after feeling so tired, and so dizzy, I finally told him that, yeah, we should probably go to the ER. I could barely stand at this point. I felt so nauseous. I couldn't even lay down without feeling like I was falling. When we finally got down to the emergency room, I couldn't stand and I was vomiting everywhere. The Worst Pain of My Life. I had lost almost two pop bottles worth of blood.
My current problem is this - I never wanted children. My husband doesn't want children. We don't hate them or anything, in fact we are the favorites among our nephews and nieces, but we don't want biological children. This whole thing was a fluke. I am terrified of pregnancy. Always have been. I want to foster, and potentially adopt, but I cannot do it the natural way. This whole thing has been horrifying for me, and I don't know how to handle it. I am scared all of the time, and cannot get happy anymore. I don't know if these feelings are leftovers from the surgery, or if I should seek out a therapist, but I know I don't feel right anymore.
Does anyone else have any words of wisdom for me, or any advice at all? It'd be very kindly appreciated.
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Childfree Recovery
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3176
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Childfree Recovery
Dear rrduds,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
We are a UK based charity, so I can only comment on counselling services in the UK, but it maybe worthwhile exploring ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
We are a UK based charity, so I can only comment on counselling services in the UK, but it maybe worthwhile exploring ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
