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My story
My story
I started spotting on Tuesday night, it carried on the next day and was advised to go to A&E, they wouldn’t scan me as I had no pain and arranged an appointment for the next day. I knew I couldn’t wait until then to be told I was losing my baby so we booked a private scan. As I lay there and they told me they couldn’t find the baby in the uterus I was sad but i had prepared myself for it. What I wasn’t prepared for was the look ok their faces when they saw a mass on my right hand side. They just told me to get dressed and sit on the sofa. They told me they were calling an ambulance. I sat in disbelief, like a rabbit in headlights, I had no idea what was going on. The ambulance came, they did my vitals and got me strapped in. It was only then that they explained. At A&E I waited to be seen and was told I would be admitted into a ward and scanned the next morning. Then it ruptured. I passed out three times with the pain, they got me ready for surgery and that was it. The baby and my right Fallopian tube were removed. I’m home now, sore, confused and very sad. It’s been a crazy few days. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do. In hospital the doctors kept my asking me why I was crying. I explained that I had lost my baby and all they said was that I could try again. I don’t want to replace this baby, I want to grieve for it. Should I arrange to see my gp and be referred for counciling. I feel a bit in limbo.
Re: My story
Hi Nicolao9
Firstly I'm sorry to hear that you have been through such a hideous experience! I can completely relate to you as I also had emergency surgery 3 days ago to remove my ectopic pregnancy and right fallopian tube. However it sounds like you've got lots to deal with as the health care service you received sounds terrible. It's things like that, that can really affect you so in your own time it will probably be worth informing them/giving them a review of the service so that this doesn't happen to other patients in the future.
People who haven't been through pregnancy loss forget that we need to grieve for our lost baby too so it's totally acceptable for you to want this baby and grieve for him/her. I've now been through 4 pregnancy losses, I'm not over them at all and still grieving for even my first loss however time is a good healer.
Do things that make you happy but also give yourself time to think of your baby as you will never forget them. Take up new hobbies, talk about it, be open and certainly consult your GP to see if they can offer you counselling. It's ok to need support. I've learnt this from experience and only just discovered this webpage and hope that it will also help me in time x
Firstly I'm sorry to hear that you have been through such a hideous experience! I can completely relate to you as I also had emergency surgery 3 days ago to remove my ectopic pregnancy and right fallopian tube. However it sounds like you've got lots to deal with as the health care service you received sounds terrible. It's things like that, that can really affect you so in your own time it will probably be worth informing them/giving them a review of the service so that this doesn't happen to other patients in the future.
People who haven't been through pregnancy loss forget that we need to grieve for our lost baby too so it's totally acceptable for you to want this baby and grieve for him/her. I've now been through 4 pregnancy losses, I'm not over them at all and still grieving for even my first loss however time is a good healer.
Do things that make you happy but also give yourself time to think of your baby as you will never forget them. Take up new hobbies, talk about it, be open and certainly consult your GP to see if they can offer you counselling. It's ok to need support. I've learnt this from experience and only just discovered this webpage and hope that it will also help me in time x
Re: My story
Thank you for your reply and I am so sorry for your loses. How are you feeling at the moment?
I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow which I think will help as at the moment I don’t even know where to begin. I wasn’t given any advice when I left the hospital and I don’t know what I can or can’t do, or the support available to me. I had my stitches out yesterday and spoke to the nurse about what had happened. I cried and she cried and it helped. I have moments when I feel ok about everything and then others when I’m just so sad. My heart feels broken and I feel like the future is unknow.
I hope you’re taking the time to rest.
Sending love x
I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow which I think will help as at the moment I don’t even know where to begin. I wasn’t given any advice when I left the hospital and I don’t know what I can or can’t do, or the support available to me. I had my stitches out yesterday and spoke to the nurse about what had happened. I cried and she cried and it helped. I have moments when I feel ok about everything and then others when I’m just so sad. My heart feels broken and I feel like the future is unknow.
I hope you’re taking the time to rest.
Sending love x
Re: My story
Thank you. I've surprised myself, although I'm upset about the whole thing I currently feel fairly strong about it but I think that's probably because this is my fourth baby I've lost so I've almost become used to 'dealing' with it unless it just hasn't hit me yet. Each time I've got pregnant I've always expected the worse because they've all ended in loss so maybe that has helped me deal with it. This time I'm managing to look at the positive side of it despite it being traumatic for example I'm not lucky having an ectopic pregnancy and loosing my tube but I'm lucky I acted on the pain when I did and lucky the surgery was fairly straight forward. Although I understand from previous experiences it's incredibly difficult to look at the positives from it all when it feels so cruel and unfair. It's still very early days for you and very raw. It's going to take time so make sure you don't rush back to work etc.
How are you feeling now? I hope your appointment goes well and you get the answers you need. I'm glad you had the opportunity to talk to the nurse and have a good cry. It's good to talk, vent and cry. Keeping your feelings and emotions locked up inside can be a struggle and very draining. Having someone to talk to is helpful even if they don't have much to say. It's also very normal to feel ok one minute then low the next, not only have you been through a traumatic experience but you've also lost a baby so you need time to grieve. My heart also feels broken but I know that one day I will have my own baby in my arms as I'm not going to let this defeat me. I want it more than anything so I'm not prepared to give up. It may take a while for you to feel this too but it will come. Try and think positive, take the time to take care of yourself. These things happen to make us stronger. This is a good website I found which explains the procedure and after care etc you may find useful https://www.hey.nhs.uk/patient-leaflet/ ... pregnancy/
Hope you're also resting, don't beat yourself up and take care. Remember it will all take time x
How are you feeling now? I hope your appointment goes well and you get the answers you need. I'm glad you had the opportunity to talk to the nurse and have a good cry. It's good to talk, vent and cry. Keeping your feelings and emotions locked up inside can be a struggle and very draining. Having someone to talk to is helpful even if they don't have much to say. It's also very normal to feel ok one minute then low the next, not only have you been through a traumatic experience but you've also lost a baby so you need time to grieve. My heart also feels broken but I know that one day I will have my own baby in my arms as I'm not going to let this defeat me. I want it more than anything so I'm not prepared to give up. It may take a while for you to feel this too but it will come. Try and think positive, take the time to take care of yourself. These things happen to make us stronger. This is a good website I found which explains the procedure and after care etc you may find useful https://www.hey.nhs.uk/patient-leaflet/ ... pregnancy/
Hope you're also resting, don't beat yourself up and take care. Remember it will all take time x
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Re: My story
Dear Nicolao9,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
I would say that your feelings are completely normal at this stage of recovery, however after a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need if the bad days start to outweigh the good.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
I would say that your feelings are completely normal at this stage of recovery, however after a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need if the bad days start to outweigh the good.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
Re: My story
Dear Makeawish,
Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you. My appointment with the gp helped. She was very good at explaining what I can and can’t do and also checked my wounds which put my mind at ease. She also said that I was just very unlucky and just those few words has made me accept that it was just that; Unlucky. Thank you so much for the leaflet link, it’s the clearest document I’ve read and has answered so many questions. On the whole I’m feeling a lot better however yesterday was a very sad day. It would have been my 12 week scan and I also had to take a pregnancy test to see if my hormone levels had dropped. The test was positive so I had to go to the hospital for a blood test. Going back to the hospital brought all of my emotions flooding back and I sobbed for the majority of the day. I needed it though and today I woke up feeling much better. I think you just work towards the 12 week scan date and when your day plans out very differently it’s pretty heartbreaking. I so admire your positivity and I am too trying to do the same. As you say this will not defeat us!
I hope you are feeling better and are taking the time to rest and listen to your body x
Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you. My appointment with the gp helped. She was very good at explaining what I can and can’t do and also checked my wounds which put my mind at ease. She also said that I was just very unlucky and just those few words has made me accept that it was just that; Unlucky. Thank you so much for the leaflet link, it’s the clearest document I’ve read and has answered so many questions. On the whole I’m feeling a lot better however yesterday was a very sad day. It would have been my 12 week scan and I also had to take a pregnancy test to see if my hormone levels had dropped. The test was positive so I had to go to the hospital for a blood test. Going back to the hospital brought all of my emotions flooding back and I sobbed for the majority of the day. I needed it though and today I woke up feeling much better. I think you just work towards the 12 week scan date and when your day plans out very differently it’s pretty heartbreaking. I so admire your positivity and I am too trying to do the same. As you say this will not defeat us!
I hope you are feeling better and are taking the time to rest and listen to your body x
