Hi everyone,
Apologies for the long post!
My fiancé and I unexpectedly found out we were pregnant a few weeks ago. We were referred to the early pregnancy unit as the ultrasounds were not able to pick up the pregnancy even though I was still testing positive on a pregnancy test.
Upon our first appointment, the scan concluded we unfortunately had an ectopic pregnancy and was advised to conduct waitful watching as my pain was moderate. I felt I was fortunate, as I was only experiencing the odd sharp pain in my left and bleeding.
We were asked to return two days later for follow up bloods as my hormone levels were 174- and the Doctor told us the pregnancy could still be viable...which now seems incredibly insensitive for the Doctor to even state this, with such low hormones (I was 4 weeks). The night prior to our appointment I was admitted to A&E as I had significantly increased stabbing pains in my left. Although the A&E triage nurse was nice...we were not seen for 8 hours and was left without any pain relief. On my hospital notes, they stated I had abdominal pain in early pregnancy despite us explaining we had an ectopic. Luckily our second appointment was that morning in the early pregnancy unit and we went straight from A&E to the unit. The nurses we had in the unit have been incredible since our first appointment.
My hormones decreased to 110 which was positive however, the second scan concluded I had fluid and started to bleed into my abdomen. Therefore, I was admitted to surgery that day.
I am now 6 days post surgery and wanted to write a few of my personal experiences to support/advise others if possible. I had read this forum before surgery and it really helped me, as I feel information out there is limited and only those going through an ectopic will understand truly- plus it all happens so fast!
I was absolutely TERRIFIED of surgery, I was fortunate of never previously needing surgery so this was a complete new experience for me. However, although surgery is not nice or ideal, I have no complaints from the execution and the support in hospital. It was not as scary as I thought and was looked after very well. So, if anyone is scared, I know its easier said than done, but it is ok and you will be ok!<3
I was discharged the evening of- I would advise to use a wheelchair to the car, walking is ok but uncomfortable. Bumps on the road are horrendous. Rest as much as possible and really try not to do too much at home- I am fortunate I have an amazing fiancé and he has done all the house work/cooked etc but I understand not everyone is in this position. The two most frustrating things since surgery is; 1) sleeping. I love my sleep, but having to sleep on my back is painful for me and uncomfortable, so I have to prop myself up and wake up in exactly the same position. It is ridiculously infuriating. However, some people may be used to sleeping on your back! All I want to do is snuggle on my side! 2) Constipation. I am sorry for the information. However, I was not advised in hospital and had to find out the hard way. From the anaesthetic, I believe this slows your bowel movements. Therefore, I have been constipated for a few days and then was in an unbelievable amount of pain and discomfort. I would advise anyone going for surgery to ensure you have laxatives that are safe to use!
Physically, I am very bruised and hope I can learn to live with my little scars (they are very neat). However, psychologically I am so up and down! As to be expected. Night time is my worst...I cant help but think what the [heck] has happened? How have we got to this point where we have lost our baby? And why? Why has this happened? I am a healthy 27 year old with no risk factors associated to ectopic pregnancies. Even the nurses and doctors couldn't provide an explanation as to why. Now with only one tube remaining, I feel I am naturally on a 'last chance saloon'. I have read many inputs where people have had a tube removed and have gone onto have healthy pregnancies. But, I am terrified to even find out. And then the fear of having to potentially have my last tube removed if it goes wrong again, is a whole other rabbit hole I cant help but think about.
This was my first pregnancy, and the baby was so loved already. I cant help but feel so sad about everything we have lost.
I was advised to contact my GP which I have...but nothing has been said since. I feel recovery is an odd stage with not really knowing how to move forward. Does anyone know where or who I can turn to for counselling or support? I have joined a few instagram pages and have opted for a treasured tulip via the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. But other than that we don't know what to do now and feel as if we are in limbo. We have amazing friends and family but support from them can naturally only go so far. Although the pregnancy was unexpected, we were so ready to alter our lives completely. Now, it feels difficult to get to that original state before all of this happened.
I feel my body is never going to look or feel the same way again and it is likely to be a bumpy road ahead. I just hope everyone who is going though this or has gone through this can find some light at the end of the tunnel at some point. The hospital gave us a little memorial bag with a script about loss, a little teddy bear and a candle. We continue to light a candle every night for our baby.
Thank you.
Lot's of love x
By registering on our forum, you can view and contribute to more topics on ectopic pregnancy. Your details are confidential and we do not send unsolicited emails. For your confidentiality, you can choose your own forum name to protect your anonymity if you so wish. If you register, there is no obligation to post; you can simply take comfort from the words of others. It is entirely up to you whether you post a message or read others' experiences or do both.
Mixed Emotions Post Surgery / Feeling lost
-
EPT Host 22
- Posts: 666
- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am
Re: Mixed Emotions Post Surgery / Feeling lost
Hi SM1996,
I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered this ectopic pregnancy and loss. I want you to know that you are not alone. These boards are filled with women and men who are, unfortunately, united by this experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you have the support of your GPs to continue following up on your questions. I encourage you to keep a list of any questions that arise and continue to ask. I realise that the delay in answers is very discouraging. If you feel your care hasn't been as you expected, you may be aware that you can raise any concerns via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue that can help:
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/hospita ... n-service/
Your surgery is still very recent. It’s important for you to remember that there was nothing you did to cause nor nothing that could have prevented an ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience a mix of feelings and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing sadly could have been done from stopping the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening.
Physical recovery is often quicker than emotional recovery. We operate a helpline service, and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.
Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need us. Please know you are not alone and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered this ectopic pregnancy and loss. I want you to know that you are not alone. These boards are filled with women and men who are, unfortunately, united by this experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you have the support of your GPs to continue following up on your questions. I encourage you to keep a list of any questions that arise and continue to ask. I realise that the delay in answers is very discouraging. If you feel your care hasn't been as you expected, you may be aware that you can raise any concerns via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue that can help:
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/hospita ... n-service/
Your surgery is still very recent. It’s important for you to remember that there was nothing you did to cause nor nothing that could have prevented an ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience a mix of feelings and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing sadly could have been done from stopping the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening.
Physical recovery is often quicker than emotional recovery. We operate a helpline service, and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.
Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need us. Please know you are not alone and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
