I had surgery 7 weeks ago to remove a pregnancy that had ruptured. 5 days prior to this I started bleeding and we had presumed we had miscarried so it was all a bit of a shock to be in pain, having a scan and then whisked to theatre for surgery.
I feel like everyone around us just presumes that because I’m physically healed that now I’m ok…. This is our third loss now (all in a row) and I just feel so disconnected from life and don’t know where to turn too. We live rurally and support from agencies just doesn’t exist.
I’m a business owner and this time I’ve been unable to return to work because I mentally just can’t cope with more than one thing at a time. I’m so frustrated as I’m a hard worker and I care so much about my business but at the same time I can’t bear the thought of having to go to work and think (it’s an extremely fast paced environment and there’s no time not to not on your toes due to the environment) .
We are fortunate that we have a child already and although she helps me get through every day at the same time I can’t shake myself from feeling so low and blank. I’m in no way suicidal or anything like that but my head literally feels like it’s full of fluff, I go to do something and within minutes I’ve forgotten what I was going to do, I have a few extremely caring friends who have my back every day and I guess my feelings are ‘normal’ and whilst everyone deals with stuff differently where do I draw the line or normal and it not be normal?
I guess there’s not much purpose to my post but I’m literally desperate now.
Thank you
By registering on our forum, you can view and contribute to more topics on ectopic pregnancy. Your details are confidential and we do not send unsolicited emails. For your confidentiality, you can choose your own forum name to protect your anonymity if you so wish. If you register, there is no obligation to post; you can simply take comfort from the words of others. It is entirely up to you whether you post a message or read others' experiences or do both.
7 weeks ago
-
Mama_flower
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2023 11:20 pm
Re: 7 weeks ago
Mama_flower wrote: ↑Wed Sep 06, 2023 11:33 pmI had surgery 7 weeks ago to remove a pregnancy that had ruptured. 5 days prior to this I started bleeding and we had presumed we had miscarried so it was all a bit of a shock to be in pain, having a scan and then whisked to theatre for surgery.
I feel like everyone around us just presumes that because I’m physically healed that now I’m ok…. This is our third loss now (all in a row) and I just feel so disconnected from life and don’t know where to turn too. We live rurally and support from agencies just doesn’t exist.
I’m a business owner and this time I’ve been unable to return to work because I mentally just can’t cope with more than one thing at a time. I’m so frustrated as I’m a hard worker and I care so much about my business but at the same time I can’t bear the thought of having to go to work and think (it’s an extremely fast paced environment and there’s no time not to not on your toes due to the environment) .
We are fortunate that we have a child already and although she helps me get through every day at the same time I can’t shake myself from feeling so low and blank. I’m in no way suicidal or anything like that but my head literally feels like it’s full of fluff, I go to do something and within minutes I’ve forgotten what I was going to do, I have a few extremely caring friends who have my back every day and I guess my feelings are ‘normal’ and whilst everyone deals with stuff differently where do I draw the line of normal and it not be normal?
I guess there’s not much purpose to my post but I’m literally desperate now.
Thank you
-
Sunflower89
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2023 10:24 am
Re: 7 weeks ago
Hi Mama_flower,
Sorry for your losses and for the suffering you're currently experiencing. Sadly, as you can probably see from this forum, you're not alone, and your thoughts are normal. I found out my pregnancy was ectopic five weeks, and had emergency surgery just under three weeks ago. At first the flurry of medical stuff (had monitoring, then methotrexate, then ruptured) was my focus, but now I'm physically recovering I'm finding things more difficult mentally. I've been forgetful, unable to concentrate and felt like my brain is generally mush. I'm more tearful and easily upset now than I was a month ago. But slowly starting to do a few more things, so wanted to offer my support and share what has helped me in case it may help.
Support for your losses - first of all, I'm really sorry for your losses. In terms of support, EPT and Miscarriage Association both have different remote options that might work for you - alongside the forums, I know there are live chat, phone helplines and Zoom options that might be helpful if you haven't tried already. I'm pleased to hear you have supportive friends - don't be afraid to talk to them and let you know how you're feeling. I've found it really helpful to just let them know how I'm feeling and what I'm in the mood for - sometimes I'm feeling low but up for a distraction, and chatting about rubbish pop culture news is what I need! Sometimes I want to go out and get a coffee and chat about it, sometimes I want to talk about anything else, and sometimes I just want a bit of space and they respect that too.
Returning to work - I can imagine being a business owner is very challenging as you want to be back and giving it your all. Is it helpful to reframe it and try and think objectively about yourself as if you were an employee? If this was someone who worked for you, what would you say to them? I think right now being kind to yourself is the best thing for you and for your business too. Totally appreciate what you're saying about a fast-paced environment, but is there any way you can pick up some tasks to start to reintroduce yourself to work slowly? Slightly different as I'm currently off work, but I'm also trying to write my dissertation as was doing a part-time Master's alongside work at the time of my ectopic. I've slowly started back by breaking things down into much, much smaller tasks that feel more manageable, and am celebrating even the tiniest bits of progress!
What's normal - everything you've said sounds 'normal' given what you've been through, but it also sounds incredibly tough to deal with too. If you haven't already, talk to your GP as they should be able to offer help and advice and refer you to counselling or other pregnancy loss-related support if that's something you might find helpful. Keep checking in with your partner and loved ones and being honest about how you feel, even if it's hard for them to hear. I'm sure they all want you to feel better, but I'm sure they also don't want you to sugar coat how you're feeling for their sake.
I really hope things start to feel a little brighter for you soon xx
Sorry for your losses and for the suffering you're currently experiencing. Sadly, as you can probably see from this forum, you're not alone, and your thoughts are normal. I found out my pregnancy was ectopic five weeks, and had emergency surgery just under three weeks ago. At first the flurry of medical stuff (had monitoring, then methotrexate, then ruptured) was my focus, but now I'm physically recovering I'm finding things more difficult mentally. I've been forgetful, unable to concentrate and felt like my brain is generally mush. I'm more tearful and easily upset now than I was a month ago. But slowly starting to do a few more things, so wanted to offer my support and share what has helped me in case it may help.
Support for your losses - first of all, I'm really sorry for your losses. In terms of support, EPT and Miscarriage Association both have different remote options that might work for you - alongside the forums, I know there are live chat, phone helplines and Zoom options that might be helpful if you haven't tried already. I'm pleased to hear you have supportive friends - don't be afraid to talk to them and let you know how you're feeling. I've found it really helpful to just let them know how I'm feeling and what I'm in the mood for - sometimes I'm feeling low but up for a distraction, and chatting about rubbish pop culture news is what I need! Sometimes I want to go out and get a coffee and chat about it, sometimes I want to talk about anything else, and sometimes I just want a bit of space and they respect that too.
Returning to work - I can imagine being a business owner is very challenging as you want to be back and giving it your all. Is it helpful to reframe it and try and think objectively about yourself as if you were an employee? If this was someone who worked for you, what would you say to them? I think right now being kind to yourself is the best thing for you and for your business too. Totally appreciate what you're saying about a fast-paced environment, but is there any way you can pick up some tasks to start to reintroduce yourself to work slowly? Slightly different as I'm currently off work, but I'm also trying to write my dissertation as was doing a part-time Master's alongside work at the time of my ectopic. I've slowly started back by breaking things down into much, much smaller tasks that feel more manageable, and am celebrating even the tiniest bits of progress!
What's normal - everything you've said sounds 'normal' given what you've been through, but it also sounds incredibly tough to deal with too. If you haven't already, talk to your GP as they should be able to offer help and advice and refer you to counselling or other pregnancy loss-related support if that's something you might find helpful. Keep checking in with your partner and loved ones and being honest about how you feel, even if it's hard for them to hear. I'm sure they all want you to feel better, but I'm sure they also don't want you to sugar coat how you're feeling for their sake.
I really hope things start to feel a little brighter for you soon xx
