Hi
I am struggling a bit with how to feel, how to greive, to process, how to understand what happened.
Let me share my story and that might be the best place for me to start...
My partner and myself found out we were pregnant one Friday afternoon at the start of July, we weren't trying but were delighted at the prospect, I have never been pregnant before and being 36 it was reassuring to even know it was a possibility.
On the Monday (3 days later) I went to work and started to experience incredibly severe cramping and had thought I was having a miscarriage, as I was alone at this point and in severe pain I went to A&E snd taken to the maternity unit. Although I was definitely pregnant (about 8 weeks) they couldn't see anything in my uterus and talked me through my options.
Having never undergone any sort of medical procedure in hospital before and still being alone as my partner hadn't made it to the hospital yet I was reluctant to go straight to surgery if it wasn't nessisary, as they didn't think it was rupturing at that point.
I chose to stay in hospital for a week of Conservative management until my hCG levels fell to a reasonable level then went home where I miscarried a few days later.
I guess I am only just now, 3 months later, coming to terms with what happened and maybe coming out of a bit of shock and really have no idea how to understand everything that happened - Physically, I didn't go through surgery so there are no physical scars or trauma to my body and really (from date of finding out) I had only in my mind been pregnant for 3 days, And no one knew, so really nothing has changed........but everything has changed.
We are now speaking about trying properly to get pregnant again, and i feel like I have never wanted anything more but I still just feel so lost in how to process what has happened.
I am going to take some time to read through more of the forum which I feel is definitely helping x
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How to feel!?
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3176
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: How to feel!?
Dear Luna,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies.
Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
An ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience and it can take up to 3 months to even begin to process events such as these. If you are feeling that your down days are outweighing the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals straight away, We here emotional support whenever you need us too. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies.
Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
An ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience and it can take up to 3 months to even begin to process events such as these. If you are feeling that your down days are outweighing the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals straight away, We here emotional support whenever you need us too. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information
*************************************************************************
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
*************************************************************************
