*massive trigger warning - mentions previous termination of pregnancy and living children*
Hi there,
I hope this post doesn't upset anyone but I'm feeling very lost and depressed. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, but hopefully this is a supportive place.
I am blessed with two beautiful children. In January this year, I fell pregnant unexpectedly and in a whirlwind of panic I chose to terminate the pregnancy. I was sent the tablets at home and never saw any medical professional in person. Within hours of taking the first tablet, a deep regret set in as I realised all my fears had just been anxiety and it was a rushed decision. I was told I had no choice but to go through with the rest of the tablets or risk abnormalities and likely miscarry anyway. Physically it was quite straight forward, but emotionally I was destroyed.
After a few months of serious discussion, my husband and I decided to try for a baby. I was lucky to fall pregnant in July - however after some pink spotting and pain, a couple of early scans at the EPU revealed it was a live ectopic pregnancy and I had same day surgery to remove my left tube.
We then decided to try again and I recently discovered that I was once again very lucky to fall pregnant again. However, I'm now having the same symptoms/type of pain/ lines not darkening on tests and dark brown discharge and feel fairly certain it is another ectopic. I have a scan on Monday when I will be around 5+4 and they won't see me before then.
It feels like the obvious thing that's happened is the termination at the start of the year. I can't help but feel I have caused this and now I wait in limbo with a heart more broken than ever and the risk of losing my other tube and becoming infertile, all down to one stupid, rushed, panicked choice.
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Having another ectopic - I think it's my fault
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Brokenhearted16
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sat Nov 04, 2023 7:54 am
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ChaoticBlues
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2023 10:17 pm
Re: Having another ectopic - I think it's my fault
Hey,
Firstly I wanted to say it's clear you've been through a lot and it's important to be kind to yourself. Often we aren't. There's nothing you've done wrong, you made the decision you believed was right for yourself and your family at the time.
The medication you took to assist with ending the pregnancy would have been safe for your body and its so unlikely that its the reason for your ectopic. You're doing everything right now by having a scan early hopefully everything's fine. If its not you definitely need to look into it, whether it's a hysteroscopy or hycosy.
I have my fingers crossed for you. Let us know how Monday goes.
Firstly I wanted to say it's clear you've been through a lot and it's important to be kind to yourself. Often we aren't. There's nothing you've done wrong, you made the decision you believed was right for yourself and your family at the time.
The medication you took to assist with ending the pregnancy would have been safe for your body and its so unlikely that its the reason for your ectopic. You're doing everything right now by having a scan early hopefully everything's fine. If its not you definitely need to look into it, whether it's a hysteroscopy or hycosy.
I have my fingers crossed for you. Let us know how Monday goes.
Re: Having another ectopic - I think it's my fault
I do not think this is your fault. Like ChaoticBlues says, be kind to yourself. I know it’s hard but you should also try to remind yourself that the ectopic pregnancies you lose are very early and this is not really a case of pain for the baby. The grief is for you.
We can always second-guess ourselves but it brings us nowhere. What if I slept better, ate better, didn’t run to catch the bus, would I still have miscarried? Etc. It’s hopeless. We cannot know or be expected to know every outcome of every decision and we can only ever be expected to do as best as we can and to act in good faith. Ask yourself if it was not your story but that of your best friend - would you judge her or would you tell her to be kind to herself?
I can only tell you I do not judge you and that even if (and that is a big if) it was your decision in January that did it - how could you have possibly known? Also, for all you know that may have been ectopic too. Let’s cut you some slack, you have been through enough.
We can always second-guess ourselves but it brings us nowhere. What if I slept better, ate better, didn’t run to catch the bus, would I still have miscarried? Etc. It’s hopeless. We cannot know or be expected to know every outcome of every decision and we can only ever be expected to do as best as we can and to act in good faith. Ask yourself if it was not your story but that of your best friend - would you judge her or would you tell her to be kind to herself?
I can only tell you I do not judge you and that even if (and that is a big if) it was your decision in January that did it - how could you have possibly known? Also, for all you know that may have been ectopic too. Let’s cut you some slack, you have been through enough.
Re: Having another ectopic - I think it's my fault
I'm so sorry you are going through this painful ordeal again. Please don't blame yourself or feel you've caused this in any way. Ectopic pregnancies can happen to anyone, and are not anyone's "fault." The emotions surrounding your termination sound incredibly complex, but you made the best decision you could in that moment with the information you had.While another ectopic diagnosis would be devastating, you still have options like IVF in the future if needed. Right now, be gentle with yourself as you await next steps. This community is here for support without judgement. Sending you strength and comfort during this anxious time. I know the uncertainty is agonizing, but try to take things one step at a time. You will get through this, even if the path forward brings hard news. Reach out if you need to talk more. You aren't alone.
