Hi, this is my first time writing here. I’ve come to this forum time and time again and it’s helped me feel less alone in my dark times. I feel like I’ve moved on from my ruptured ectopic trauma. It’s been almost 9 months since my surgery but at times it feels like it was just yesterday. My body remembers it’s trauma at the hospitals. I’m scared of needles now, I can’t be touched on the back of my hands and elbows anymore without getting grossed out and uncomfortable. I’m more sensitive to other peoples pain. It’s weird to see my body traumatized and act this way, when I would be able to watch surgery videos without a prob and now I can’t. I’m not hung up on what I went through and the loss of what could have been but it’s just been dark since then emotionally.
I think I’ve healed well from it, I’ve gotten closer to god and it took a lot of courage to say thank you for putting this painful moment In my path. I wouldn’t have grown up.
But right now I’m terrified, I haven’t gotten my period and I’ve been checking if I’m pregnant every other day for two weeks and it keeps saying negative. I’m scared of being pregnant again. I’m scared it might happen again. Im not sure how to feel honestly but if it were to say positive I feel like I wouldn’t want it because I just don’t want to go through this pain and loss. I’m married and I don’t have any children, at least not yet. But my first experience being pregnant was the biggest rollercoaster of my life.
Thanks for listening.
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Idk how to feel
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ChaoticBlues
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2023 10:17 pm
Re: Idk how to feel
Hey,
How youre feeling is natural as you’ve been through a big trauma both physically and emotionally. It can take a while to recover. I still sleep on the sofa, after the trauma of waking up in my bed in extreme pain from an ectopic and that was less than a year ago. I’ve also had periods give me flashbacks of my ectopic which was 12 weeks of pain and bleeding. It is hard. I feel I have had PTSD from it but I acknowledge it and recognise what I went through was traumatic rather than downplaying it. I think time helps to help with everything, not forget.
How youre feeling is natural as you’ve been through a big trauma both physically and emotionally. It can take a while to recover. I still sleep on the sofa, after the trauma of waking up in my bed in extreme pain from an ectopic and that was less than a year ago. I’ve also had periods give me flashbacks of my ectopic which was 12 weeks of pain and bleeding. It is hard. I feel I have had PTSD from it but I acknowledge it and recognise what I went through was traumatic rather than downplaying it. I think time helps to help with everything, not forget.
